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Parent getting older and needing to move

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  • #258154
    Rommie
    Member

    My mother’s had a rough trot with her health since just before Xmas. 🙁 She’s now come to the realisation that she really can’t live alone in the family home any longer. (Dad passed away over nine years ago). In the immediate term we’ll need to arrange some way of looking after her once she’s out of hospital, but longer term we’re facing the daunting prospect of cleaning out and selling the family home so that she can move into suitable accommodation.

    She and Dad built it in the early 70’s and it’s been the only house our family ever lived in, so the sentimental attachment is enormous, but of course houses wear out too and the maintenance is probably beginning to become more of a hassle (and expense).

    I’d assume there’d be some of you on this board who’ve been through this experience with a parent – if you don’t mind sharing, what have been your experiences? Any advice?

    #535660
    Snags
    Member

    My dads late 80s and wont move.

    Hes still ok, but I tried to move him before he has to and he wont budge

    #535661
    Bobbee
    Member

    Hi Rommie, This can be a daunting time for anyone. We had a similar situation some years ago with my folk.

    Our family toured as many Aged Care Facilities as we could in our area and put names down at the only one we considered we could be happy with our loved ones living in.

    But time passed and the need became more urgent so other close family who lived further away had to check out facilities in other areas. Finally, and luckily for us, a new facility was built and our folk were among the first to move in.

    It took some adjusting to accept that our folk would be living so far away from us but it was best for them and they still had loving family close to them.

    It took constant phone calls to Aged Care Places and I rang as many Government Agencies that I could find in the phone book, to get advice and learn to understand the rules and regulations.

    Good luck Rommie

    🙂

    #535662
    mudhen
    Member

    Don’t have any great advice, but just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you.

    #535663
    GirlFriday
    Member

    If she is still in hospital ask to speak to the Social Worker who can assist you in getting the ball rolling. She will need an ACAT assessment which will then rate her needs (and therefore the level of care she needs). Would she be able to manage at home with daily visits from BlueCare (or similar)? The Social Worker can help tee up Meals on Wheels or house cleaning etc if that would help or they will know what the local Aged Care facilities are like.

    Good luck

    #535664
    Rommie
    Member

    Thanks everyone. Also a friend tipped me off about the RDNS so I’ll look into that too.

    Mentally Mum is okay, but she has a bit of a laundry list of physical ailments (arthritis, gout, Type 2 Diabetes, poor kidney function). So for her mobility is a big problem. She manages okay cooking for herself but had someone to do her cleaning, gardening and shopping. She drives but is only confident with short distances. But she probably needs closer supervision now as she had one mini-stroke last year and one early in the new year, so daily visits would be helpful. She’s also got one of those Mepacs alarms but we really need to remind her to use it – she had a fall in the early hours and was only discovered by a family member who was coming to pick her up the next day. She didn’t use the alarm as she didn’t want to “disturb them” at 3am :angry:

    #535665
    mudhen
    Member

    Oh, Rommie, that is so typical but so not helpful! My mom is in hospital at the moment with her second heart related episode after a heart attack a couple months ago. She took three nitroglycerin tablets before finally heading to the hospital because she REALLY didn’t want to miss her ladies Bible study group lunch the next day!!

    Do you live close to your mum? If not, or if you’re working full time and simply can’t be there all the time, you need to make that really clear to the social workers so she gets all the help she needs. It’s a lot like working things out for people with a disability, you have to paint the worst possible picture in order to get any support. How does your mum feel about moving into supported care? A friend commented recently about this sort of situation, and expressed regret (in hindsight) that he hadn’t tried harder to let his mum stay in her own home as long as possible. It’s a difficult thing to find the right path.

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