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de-schooling and the barber of deceit

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  • #240488
    redhen2redhen2
    Member

    we’ve just had our first week of homeschooling. it went pretty well, considering that we’re all sick. however, from almost the minute that i announced ‘no more school’, ds (6yo) has acquired a new personality. he’s still loving and sweet and helpful and communicative, but he is also a lying little whatsit. he has this morning cut his sister’s hair off and lied about it, claiming that she did it herself. she’s 2, so there’s no way.

    this is only the most recent in a string of lies about all sorts of stuff, and some destructive behaviour too.

    has anyone else found that behaviour has suffered during ‘de-schooling’? i’m hoping htis is a brief phase.

    might be helpful to mention that he was at a strict private school which even had rules like (and i’m ashamed to admit that i sent him to such a school) boys should have a hair comb in their left sock at all times. maybe he’s just letting off steam.

    in the meantime, poor sophie looks fairly awful.

    kathy

    #308391
    ChezzaChezza
    Participant

    LOL!! Most big siblings do this at one time or other to their younger ones….

    I’d give him the benefit of the dought for a little while longer than I’d be renting supernanny videos to see how the time out, reward system works….Not that I’m saying suppernany is the answer to all parents problems.

    There are some good programs around as well, we did a mycp one that was fantastic when the boys were in preschool!! The Management of Young Children Program was management of young parents when I look back on it. It gave me strategies to cope and I still use them today over a decade later. Of course the boys know I’m reverting to my strategies and won’t budge….. It frustrates the hell out of them but they are conditioned as well so they always come around!!

    #308392
    bellabella
    Member

    I guess your son has a lot to work out right now – a bit of a transition stage…

    My son cut his sister’s hair more than once. I was devastated. She went on to cut it another couple of times. Amazing she has as much as she does, really! 😐

    Can’t comment on the deschooling thing, as we’ve never done it. But sure, at times of change my kids have become monsters, briefly. 😡

    Take care! :hug:

    #308393
    dunmovindunmovin
    Member

    Redhen, was there a problem with the school (apart from the comb thingy) that your son may be aware of? If he has overheard adult conversation about your dissatisfaction with the school and he has been withdrawn from regular schooling, he may feel he has “won” in the situation. If he does feel he has the upper hand he will push the boundaries for a while trying to assert his ‘authority’. This is where, although at times it is difficult, you need to remain in control and firm. It is not uncommon for children to test the waters when Mum becomes teacher. A book I found very useful when my children were in their Primary years (I must re-read it now they’re in their teens) is:

    Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

    This book helped me set boundaries for my children and stick to them, remain calm during conflict, establish consequences for misbehaviour and it taught my children to accept responsibility for their behaviour. If you remain firm throughout this time his behaviour will calm down.

    All the best.

    #308394
    MumchookMumchook
    Member

    Oh dear, Kathy! My lot have cut each other hair at times over the years, or cut their own – yeowch!

    I took my two youngest out of school, who at the time were much older than your son. There is always a period of adjustment with any change, so just go with the flow for a while. Hard to do, particularly if there’s been a strict and busy schedule up to now.

    If the lying continues, you may want to have a little chat with him about it.

    #308395
    MumchookMumchook
    Member

    Oh dear, Kathy! My lot have cut each other hair at times over the years, or cut their own – yeowch!

    I took my two youngest out of school, who at the time were much older than your son. Home based education is soooo different to how school and a day at school is set up. There is always a period of adjustment with any change, so just go with the flow for a while. Hard to do, particularly if there’s been a strict and busy schedule up to now. The longer they’ve been in school, the longer the adjustment or deschooling, for both child…. and parent.

    If the lying continues, you may want to have a little chat with him about it.

    😀

    #308396
    arawajoarawajo
    Member

    Lying at this age is a normal stage of his development. Don’t stress out over it and don’t make a big deal about it. It would probably happen whether you just commenced “de-schooling”or not.

    When I was teaching I got quite used to it. Just take everything with a grain of salt and gently explain about the difference between fact and fiction. They are just learning about language and communication. It’s a difficult concept for them to grasp. Kids are read fiction and it isn’t pointed out to them directly that it is fiction – they have to get that concept sorted out in their own little heads. Then they experiment with it. It’s not really lying because they don’t know it’s lying yet.

    Wait until you have to explain those “little white lies” we all use! lol

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