May 18, 2012 at 8:41 pm #256974
Hi ALSers, I am facing another protracted problem with swmo, aka Queen Bee, akaa the dear Sheila. With living expenses being a fairly constant challenge we have a set in stone agreement that all spare dollars go into paying off the mortgage. Its worthwhile, straight forward, and just plain common sense.
Priorities are spend on things that you really need and only buy new things that will help save money (e,g. bottling equipment) or earn money (e.g, Timber Thicknesser). Here, by cracky, is the rub. Whilst my hobbies have taken a back seat to the above I have started making furniture to sell and use up the mountains of timber I have scrounged over the years that lie in situ between the back gate and shed. I call these organic & sculptural piles of timber “future profits” whilst Queenie calls them a “disgrace”, “embarrassment”, “torture”, “back trash” etc that gives her piles.
After a bit of a productive wood working session making & selling a potting table and work bench partly out of scrounged timber I was fairly cashed up and bought a new sliding Mitre Saw & Drill Press under the pretense it will help earn money. Whilst Queenie was delighted that the back trash was being used she went right off after seeing the new “toys” I was desperately trying to hide under the dog rug upon her surprise arrival.
Her 2012 High Octave Alto Lecture on Fiscal Responsibility in Shriek Major began in no uncertain terms. Even the neighbors, who relish in the “biffos” we have, stayed out of this tongue lashing. The Voice, Australia’ Got Talent, Roy Orbison in is hey day, The Comincheros Club House, even Londons acclaimed Royal Albert Hall have never heard the vocal range, pitch, volume & content of Queenies performance. Even the all consuming squeel from the saw took a distant back seat to this barrage. She was off and only the gods could stop this one.
Luckily for me, in the immediate term at least, the saw came with some pretty good ear muffs so I stuck them on and ausland I couldn’t hear her. Psychologists talk about the reduced ability to think under times of stress well something was working because I clearly remember thinking to my self that of the thousands of ways that one can fuck up only I could find a way of making things even worse out of hearing protection. Knowing that this one was not going to end anytime soon I slinked off with the pooch and the image of a once rather graceful bronzed Queenie looking more volcanic than I could ever imagine rattled around my frontal lobe. Mt Vesuvius might of buried her forebears at Pompeii but that hideous frightful day, knowing that your civilisation was coming to an end, had nothing on my predicament. Well so I thought.
After a long walk with mans best friend (that has to be the ultimate truism) I knew going home was out the question so I high tailed it over to Scrotums joint to rip the scab of a few frosties, have a good chin wag and settle into The Footy Show. That was three weeks ago and I havn’t seen Queenie since. Fortuitously for both of us and the whole peace loving southern hemisphere she had to go away for work. We have spoken on the phone most days but that southern European passion still burns bright and there is no way I am off the hook yet despite my rational justification and heartfelt plea that all three purchases would help make me money, pay off the mortgage and reduce the sculptural piles of “future profits”. Big mistake Porgey. After realising I let the cat out of the bag and Queenie not yet twigging I said good night and turned the mobile off. Yep three purchases, fuck.
So after settling with a glass of red, a trashy book, a bit of tel, a snooze and a good scratch how was I going to justify credit carding a $3000 Timber Thicknesser. Not daring to turn on the phone I began to wonder if Telstras voicemail could actually melt under the barrage it was going to have to relay to me sometime soon. After more wasted minutes delusioning how to make an app that turns voicemail venom into velvet, lava into lush, I throttled back the fire and went to bed. 8 hours later after turning off my mobiles alarm I stupidly pressed the YES icon after reading TURN DEVICE ON? to hear the shrill and repeated tones of voice messages and SMSess. Yep she twigged and to make matters worse checked the CC statement online. Luckily she was busy when I rang but knowing she had the afternoon off I had eight hours to either pack or come up with the best justification for buying “another bloody noisy thing”. Well so I thought.
That evening she rang with a most surprising and velvety tone in her voice, “mmm perhaps my app did work” I thought. She had spent the arvo with some country friends visiting the Grace Kelly exhibition in Bendigo and was cock a hoop celebrating a rather surprising but thoroughly deserved, pay rise. “Bloody marvelous, she’s happy, I am off the hook, and I can keep my thicknesser” I thought. “Not so quick son” I heard my Dad say through the heavenly ether.
The issue of my “little” purchase didn’t come up as a rather one sided conversation about some fancy took centre stage as my eyes (respectfully I must point out) glazed over as I fell into the rather automatic “yes dear, sounds lovely dear, I suddenly have no brain cells” mode. Now I like a bit of sheila glam but after channeling my inner bogan for three weeks of domestic freedom there is no way my synapses can jump from flannel, polyester, and bum crack to lace, silk and plunging necklines at the drop of a hat, or Beanie for that matter. So understandably I missed the bit about her wanting to hire an interior designer. Maybe it was a delayed reaction and the sudden inability to think under times of stress but I just agreed to Queenie wanting an interior designer.
Well, the shoe (or maybe Moccasin) is on the other foot. I have an extensive list of character failings including rolling over like a dog having its tummy rubbed but when I draw the line its indelible. I am as stubborn as a cement mule and THERE IS NO WAY, NO WAY, I AM HAVING AN INTERIOR DESIGNER IN MY HOUSE – FULL STOP END OF STORY. I am not having Ramone, Tarquin, Alfredo or what ever his bloody name is sashaying around my house at great expense mincing up some complete nonsense to do with exacting paint shades, new MDF furniture, feature walls, and lavender ruffles amongst other things.
“Bugger off Women, Peg your an Idiot” was the pained and oft repeated parlance from Al Bundy In the appalling American sitcom“Love & Marriage” but sadly somehow so apt in this situation. Bruises there maybe but there is not a snow flakes chance in hell that I am party to paying for an interior designer. Build it Ship it in Sit Down thats my answer to sprucing up the joint. A feature wall is when you dont clean the splashback for a couple of weeks not some overpriced poxy shade of designer red (its fucking pink you idiot) masquerading as the houses interior focal point.
Interior design, Feature wall, Bugger off. Say it out loud, it rolls of tongue so easily.
So heres the problem. Queenie has me wedged beautifully between returning my prized new purchases (or quickly finding the money) or hiring an interior designer to even up the spend. Clever old bag she may be but I have decided to keep my cake and eat it to. Tools stays and no interior designer. There is a show down looming folks so stay tuned.
Ohh I forgot, advice, comments, suggestions etc most welcome please. Should I pack….?May 18, 2012 at 9:16 pm #524283calliecatMember
awaiting the outcome with baited breath
no advice, no tips – this is just too good for any interfering from me LOLMay 18, 2012 at 9:19 pm #524284mumof6Member
should have spent your 3 weeks making money with your new toys and making the pile she despises dissapear at the same time she came home to I have cover the cost of purches plus extra see how good my toys are! thats how my HD justifies spending money on tools look honey i just saved you $$$ by buying this $ and doing it myselfMay 18, 2012 at 9:21 pm #524285busylizzieMember
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Thats a hard one Porg, she earns the money as well and is entitled to spend it as she seems fit, although your purchases will eventually maybe pay themselves off one day.
Maybe next time before making expensive purchases discuss it with the Missus first.May 18, 2012 at 9:30 pm #524286
Thanks for your replies. Please remember its always written with a smile, a tongue firmly planted in my cheek and I am certainly not kept. Whilst my income goes up and down we both help with all the bills, including the mortgage, its just hard not having a seperate workplace.
In addition, I pathologically hate waste. Rather than being a hoarder I hate the fact that so much beautiful Australian & os old growth timber is thrown out and/or used only once. To me its a disgrace as much for its waste and loss of old fashion wood working skills as well as the fact so much is replaced with imported inferior clap trap.
As for interior design, CRIKEY. There are some beautiful examples of amazing interiors but our house, whilst structurally sound, is poorly built, terribly finished and needs a proper reno not a costly unnecessary mince from some city boy. You cant make ‘a silk purse out of a pigs arse’, the saying rather ungracefully goes, and any expense should be properly worked out not spent on an excited whim. People can be so creative and practical when given a bit of a shove so I am hoping that The Queen and I can do it soon when the mortgage is less.May 18, 2012 at 10:24 pm #524287mauziMember
Oh Porgey, what a good read, no need to watch any soaps, just come to ALS, much better written and definitely much more entertaining. With any luck, the interior decorator will be an ass and you can both agree that you don’t like his/her ideas…peace without compromise BUT if it turns out she loves the ideas MMM back to the drawing board.
I liked mumof6’s comments, hard to come back on a reduced pile of timber and more $’s in the kitty than expected. I think my DH uses that one as well 😆May 18, 2012 at 10:44 pm #524288
Thanks Mauzi. Its all a bit of laugh really as I am home alone with a sore back and bored to snores so firing up some part bullshit is always good fun. Whilst considered and proper design is important in anything you make/create it does not take precedence over more practical aspects of the task at hand. Creative tension I suppose. However, there is no way I am letting any interior designer through the front gate with his pink flamingoes to liven up a bland space, flying ducks for above the fire place and the designer brown coatings (aka dodgy mission brown paint) for the ceiling beams. My line is drawn at the front gate and the safety is off the nail gun.May 18, 2012 at 10:45 pm #524289calliecatMember
don’t blame you lolMay 18, 2012 at 10:55 pm #524290kerriebMember
Ok if the interior is that bad. Why not let the other half pick out paint in her fav colour and paint it. It will give it a lift without breaking the bank esp if the real renovations are years off.
Oh and set up a separate account for your biz it will keep you out of trouble and make you think twice about overspending. DH has no idea how much is in my biz account.May 18, 2012 at 11:59 pm #524291
Thanks Callie & kerrieb. Great idea about painting in her chosen colour but the house is single skin so any future plastering will cover it up. However a happy hen is a happy house.
I do have a seperate account but she is a good book keeper and knows the caper so am trying the cashies as much as poss.May 19, 2012 at 2:45 am #524292BobbeeMember
Porgey you are so funny! rofl rofl
I am stuck on this bit….” Now I like a bit of sheila glam but after channeling my inner bogan for three weeks of domestic freedom there is no way my synapses can jump from flannel, polyester, and bum crack to lace, silk and plunging necklines at the drop of a hat, or Beanie for that matter. So understandably I missed the bit about her wanting to hire an interior designer. Maybe it was a delayed reaction and the sudden inability to think under times of stress but I just agreed to Queenie wanting an interior designer. “
I think we might enjoy pics……… :woohoo: :woohoo:
I do so hope you are putting your talent to good use and writing a book. :tup:
:hug:May 19, 2012 at 3:19 am #524293AndreMember
Dare I say … compromise.. YOU pick the interior designer .. and make sure SHE is gorgeous 🙂
oh .. and any further from the lovely lasses whose car you were ‘vandalising?’
🙂May 19, 2012 at 11:03 am #524294kerriebMember
porgey post=343734 wrote: Thanks Callie & kerrieb. Great idea about painting in her chosen colour but the house is single skin so any future plastering will cover it up. However a happy hen is a happy house.
A painter DH worked with repainted their living room every 2-3 years in his wifes desired colours. He figured it was cheaper than divorce.May 19, 2012 at 1:01 pm #524295mauziMember
Andre, that is hilarious. Who ever thought that manipulation was the domain of women had it all wrong. I was going to have a pun and say that manipulation was the bedfellow of women, and I think that interpretation is right, but with the emphasis on perhaps “fella”.May 20, 2012 at 3:44 am #524296mistyhollowsMember
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Oh what a good read Porgey. You really can’t blame her for being upset if you didn’t discuss it with her first :hug: . On the other hand, if you say she has been visiting friends perhaps things were discussed and her way of shall we say evening up the playing field is getting what she wants via an interior designer. Me thinks she is just as crafty as yourself 😉 and ultimately you make a very funny team. I love reading your ‘stories’. :clap:
I don’t think you need to pack your bags but do think you need to consider her a little more in your future decisions.
If not, well go for Andre’s suggestion :laugh: . I’m sure we’ll all love to read what eventuates!
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